Harry Potter Items! METMA!
by Llyra
Summary: hey! these are METMA items. I am clumping them all together. Please Review, and read my other fics! And Review! I love reviews!
1. Portrait of the Fat Lady

A/N: Ok, I am about 99.9999999999 (sorry overuse of 9's) % sure that these have been done already, but that's ok, because I haven't seen them! So please tell me if they have been done, okedoke? Review!  
  
Disclaimer: JKR owns everything except the thoughts of the item I am writing about, heh, she owns the item, yes she does! And she might own the thoughts too, but I thought of them, I am not sure, someone tells me so I can change this so I won't be sued! Don't mind the 'tells', my computer thinks that is the right grammar, so yah. Read and review!  
  
"Password?" I ask lazily. "Pink and purple polkadots," the random student before me announces, as if proud they remembered such a *hard* password.  
It annoys me sometimes, I am a nice picture of a Fat Lady, I don't even know who I am painted after. But the Headmaster 'Hired' me to get passwords from the odd little kids that pass thought the hole behind me.  
And they think my passwords are LONG! I mean, remember that Cadogan guy? He made up passwords that were about 100 words long, and the kids didn't care about that!   
And about my appearance. A Fat Lady? That is what all the students call me, "The portrait of the Fat Lady." Who cares what I look like? I hope they like me better then that Cadogan guy . . .  
They don't respect me much either, the students. One of them runs around invisibly and pretends that I don't know he's there, and sometimes students just walk in and then right back out! Some students can't remember the password. I suppose I should tell them, but that is their loss if they don't remember, right? One student, a very forgetful one, keeps forgetting, and stays out by me forever! He is too scared to say anything, so there is no conversation.  
Ah, another student. I suppose I should let them in, but oh well, one can be a rebel at times . . .  
  
A/N: Ok, it's a start! My next one will be about the Sorting hat, stay tuned! Please Review also, and read my other fics! If you have any ideas for other objects, please review, and if you don't, review anyway! ANd please don't read the next chapter till you review, lol!:) 


	2. Sorting Hat

A/N: Section two, the Sorting Hat! Please R/R!  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter one, I don't feel like writing it out, thanx : )  
  
Oh, look who it is. Dumbledore, entering my office, again. What does he do in here aside from have meetings? Ok, so it is really his office, I am just stored in here. He never really talks to me, just his pet bird, over in the corner. What's its name again? Fox? Whatever it is, that is beside the point. A point which I have on the top of me. I am, you see, the Hogwarts' School Sorting Hat. Nice fancy title. I like Fancy Titles, especially for me. Most people just call me the sorting hat. Rather boring, don't you agree? Well, anyway, lets get on with my *extremely* interesting life.  
Ok, here goes. On September first, Dumbledore (office invader!) takes me off the shelf in MY office and sets me on a stool in front of hundreds of students. I sing a song, and then they put me on their filthy heads. They expect me to find out their thoughts and give them some deep interesting words to say. First of all, most other hats can't penetrate thoughts. Most of the time the students tell me which house they want to be in, but other times they are confused and don't even know what a house is. Or else they would be good for more that one house. Normally it's a mix of Gryffindor and Slytherin. Those two were almost the same, just a small bit different.  
Anyway, after the sorting ceremony, I am banished by the Headmaster back up to MY (NOT his) office, where I listen to that bird. There I sit, getting dusty, for quite a while. I have nothing better to do then make up a new song for next year. If I had hands, I would be writing for ages, because I have so much time to write a song for next year that I could write about a hundred songs for next year. It doesn't take that long to write a poem, you know. I am really quite surprised I am not speaking in rhymes right now, because that is normally what I do, repeat a rhyme over and over.  
Oh well. Here Dumbledore is invading my office again; I have to pretend to be a nice quiet hat. It really is MY office, you know . . .  
  
A/N: It was interesting, don't you think? Anyway, please please please review it, and also review my other stories I have posted. If you have another item for me to do, please post, and if you don't, review anyway! And, when the next chapter is up, please review this one before you read it, because i like reviews for all my chapters! 


	3. One-Eyed-Witch

A/N: Ok, my friend gave me the idea to do the one eyes witch, so I am gonna write about her!  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
  
A person, coming around the corner! I am so excited! Oh, wait, it's only Filch. Oh well. He is the only one who ever comes around me, because I am so far away from civilization. Him, and that cat, Mrs. Norris. She annoys me. I think that she knows there is a tunnel behind me, but I am not sure. Cas might have some super-human ability, but I wouldn't know, because I am never around humans.  
I guard a link from Hogwarts School to Hogsmeade. No one ever uses me though, because I was made so many years ago that no one remembers that I even exist.  
Ack! My one eye is dusting again! Oh Filch! Mrs. Norris! They never come. Probably because they can't hear me. That's ok. There is nothing new to look at around here. The occasional spider is quite an event, around here. Other then that, and other insects, and Filch and his cat, there is nothing.  
Wait a minute, there is someone right over there. Black hair, green eyes, looks like a third year, he has friends! He is stopping! Wow, he knows! This is so neat! I have to go, bye!  
  
A/N: Pretty short. Please review before you go to the next chapter, if there is one. Any ideas for me? If you have any, please post, and if you don't, post anyway. 


	4. Neville's Cauldron

A/N: Neville's new cauldron! Interesting! Please R/R, this story and the other's I wrote, they don't necessarily have to do with METMA!  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
  
Heya! I am Neville's cauldron! Well, new cauldron. I hope I last longer than the other ones. Harry's and Ron's Cauldrons tell me that his other ones only last a few weeks, that can't be good. They say Neville melted them. Neville doesn't sound very responsible, does he? A bit of a Klutz, sorry Neville.  
I really don't want to melt that soon, I want to see this awful teacher that the other Cauldrons tell me about. They say he is awful. I wonder, can he really be that bad? I don't know many bad people.  
I am very fortunate that I was made after a report came out. It was Ron's brother's report, I hear. It was about thin-bottomed Cauldrons. I won't be thin bottomed, so I won't leak very easily. Most everyone was getting a new cauldron after that report, I suppose they don't want their feet disintegrating.  
All the cauldrons say I am unlucky that I became Neville's. I don't know why they say that. He may be a bit clumsy, but really, he is nice. They say that I should be Hermione's. She is a genius, they say. I wouldn't be destroyed soon. But what is the point of life is there aren't risks taken, I say? I know Neville wouldn't agree. But that's ok, he is horrid at potions, so I can experience new and improved potions. Maybe he will discover a new potion using me. Oh well, it is Friday, after all, and so I will be going to potions soon. Bye!  
  
Note: Neville's fifth cauldron was melted in his fourth year, within the first month.  
  
A/N: From a cauldron's POV. I am getting really tired of typing cauldron. cauldron. cauldron. cauldron. cauldron. cauldron. cauldron. cauldron. cauldron. Annoying. Please post your reviews, and your ideas, before moving to the next chapter, ok? Ok thanx so much, I love reviews! 


	5. The Picture of the Fruit Guarding the Ki...

A/N: Please R/R, all my stories! j/k, you don't have to. But at least R/R this one!  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one.  
  
Ooo, that tickles! yet another person tickles my pear to access the kitchen. Dumbledore assigned me to gaurd the kitchens from students, but somehow one figured out my 'Achilles Heel," As they say. I am horribly tickelish, especialy on the pear part.  
I wish i actualy knew what a pear was. Everyone passes by me and says, ooo, yum, a pear. I love pears. Too bad i am only a painting, i can't eat a pear. They look so green, and juicy. my Painter did a very good job.  
I hope Dumbledore doesn't know about all those children, rather, students, that access the kitchens inside. He probably wouldn't like that. The again, i am the only picture for the job that doesn't need a password.  
  
A/N: Really short, i didn't know what to put. Review, and if you have any ideas for other objects that i can do, please post them! 


	6. P. Trelawny's Tea Cup

A/N: This one is about a teacup of Trelawny's, if could get annoyed w/ tealeaves, i guess, Review!  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
  
Oh no, not tea leaves AGAIN. Why won't someone get creative? I mean, Tea leaves Every single year, over and over, then i am put back on the shelve, for tealeaves NEXT year! I could have maybe a teabag, and even thought i am a teacup, why not, say, lemonade? Other Teacups, including that professor's favorite, have had lemonade.  
And speaking of the Professor, professor Trelawny, she is a complete fraud. The crystal ball told me so. But her, she thinks she knows everything, and attempts to predict the death of someone every year. Coincidentally, i am always the one she predicts it in! It seems she has this obsession with following me around and predicting deaths in me! Does she ever think that seeing the 'grim' or what ever might have something to do with my bottom surface? Of course not, she is too dim minded. That is really why there is always a 'grim' in me, because i was made wrong, and there is a slight indentation where the leaves are, and it is shaped roughly like a dog.  
But back to every single year. i am used for tea leaves, once a year, and on that day she always predicts the death of some random kid who has me as a cup. And then i am put back on the shelf, never to be used again, until next year. We get to watch random kids learn "Divination," while we sit and stare for a year. But at least she takes care to put me away first, probably because she has a tradition of putting away first whichever cup predicts the death of a student. So i am faced forward. The other one's she doesn't care about, and sometimes they get faced backwards, to stare at a wall for another year. It is really quite sad, my friend, a pink teacup, has been put facing the wall for 7 years in a row! But another one of my friends, a green one, hasn't been used for 3 years in a row, and he was put away backwards, so hasn't had the fun of seeing the new kids every year. I might get lucky and someone might drop me, i might break, who knows?  
  
A/N: Ok, please review! I love reviews! and give me your ideas too! and if you want, read my other stories! 


	7. 

A/N: METMA RULES! ok, this is fron the perspective of Lockhart's Hat. I am also going to do Lockharts Wand and Photo, so everyone knows, stay tuned. Ok, here goes.  
  
Disclaimer; See Chapter one.  
  
Not more hairspray! I hate hairspray! And it is always that really smelly sticky kind that i can bever get out of my fabric! I am Lockhart's Wizard hat, and i have to put up with his hairspray all the time.  
Aside from the fact that he also dyes his hair. I bet you didn't know that. His blonde hair is really red! And curly! Not blonde and wavy at all.  
He puts too much hair gunk in it also. There is the straitning gel, and then the hair dye, and the hairspray to keep it like that. And it bugs me, because i can tell what he thinks too.  
And the problem is, he doesn't have an ounce of consciounce, because he doesn't care at all that he is taking credit for all those people's work. And he spends all night thinking of more ways to set himself up.  
Mostly it's something like, i am great, maybe i can get my cover on the front of the Daily Prophet again. In reality, he has no brains, he is just a average wizard who happens to excell in memory charms.  
Oh well, here comes the gel now, i hope he oesn't get some on Lightning. That is the name of my favorite star on the print. I know i am odd to like stars, but that's ok, because i am not as bad as lockhart.  
  
A/N: A little short, but that's why i like these, they are short and fun to write. Please review every single chapter, and review this one. Please be responsible. I hope i am not wasting my efforts, because a lot of people read and don't review. Oh well. 


	8. 

A/N: Setting off lockhart for a bit later, this one, as you can see, is the Monster book of monsters.  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
  
*Rip* *Tear* *Shred* Oh no. Not another book. That was Fred too! He's not all that bad, just a little viscious, really.  
I am a Monster Book of Monsters. Oh, i see you shying away from me already. But you don't know me, i am a nice monster book. Really, i am not violent at all.  
See, everyone thinks that all monster books are violent and evil. Indeed, most of my more rowdy friends are tyed with robe ot belts the moment they are bought. I guess that is in their nature though, after all, we are MONSTER books.  
But i think that if you don't hurt, you can't get hurt. So i try to stay out of everyone's way. I haven't been hurt once, and i am ashamed to say this, but i am scared to go and hurt someone else. Its mean and cruel, and it causes pain to the other one.  
So i stay in my little corner and watch others get beaten up. Once i tried to stop someone, and they threatened to hurt me, so i don't anymore. I wish i could stop it. And i never will have enough courage to approach one and tell them what i think. I would be laughed at, because i am weak. They all take advantage of me, and tease me.  
The Only solution is to be sold. I have to be sold soon, so that whoever gets me can't hurt me. When they others are sleeping at night, i try to sneak over to the corner nearest the door. Once i made a dart to get to the door, but was intercepted by another monster book, who wanted to get there first and threatened me. I hurried away, not wanting to be hurt.  
Look! The door is opening! No one is looking! Maybe i can be the first over there . . .  
  
A/N: The End! Please review before continueing to the enxt chapter, if there is one! I love reviews, so please review review review!! 


	9. 

A/N: Sorcerer's stone, please review! This is during when it is in the Mirrior os Erised (Desire backwards, cool, huh?)  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
  
What are you doing here? I don't reconize you, and there is no way you can get past my guards! They are all very good guards you know. No one can find me, for i am the Sorcerer's stone.  
I am imprisoned inside this Mirror though. I doubt anyone will ever be able to find me wonderous self, and i am yearning to leave this place and show the world my talent! But I can't even escape this mirror.  
I was made by Nicholas Flamel, you know. He and his wife, Pernelle, are alike 1000 years old. So i have had quite a long life. Most of it includes imprisonment, unfortunatly for those who want to use my powers.  
I have onderous powers. i can change anything to gold, and make you live forever! But a lot if Wizards seem to think that it is bad to sharemy talents. No one else is as special a stone as i am, because they are not the Sorcerer's stone.  
I wonder if anyone will come down here to rescue me. Probably now, as they think i am an inanimite object. I am not an object you know, i am the Sorcerer's Stone! The one and Only! I shall escape, very soon. How, i do not know.  
I don't even know how i was put in here. It was very rude of whoever did it, because they didn't even ask permission from the great and amazing me. I am amazing. And they think that i am an evil stone. How could i be evil? I am miraculous.  
Let me out of here! It's dark and cold! I want to see the sun again! hello! Let me out! I command you! I, the Sorcerer's Stone, the one and only, Command you! Wait, what's this i see? A light, over there? Someone is comming into my chamber! I must escape from here!  
  
A/N: A bit egotistical, lol. Please review every single chapter, ok! And this one. Most of all this one. And all the other ones too, lol. 


	10. 

  
A/N: PLEASE REVIEW EVERY CHAPTER! Please! And this is a MEMTA one,   
about the mirror of erised. So please R/R, especially the last R, which is   
the REVIEW one!   
  
Stupid stuck up Stone, he has to be inside of me, hmm? He is annoying, and very egotistical. Always on about how he is "THE one and only Sorcerers stone" and how he shouldn't be stuck inside of me. But he never spared me a thought. I am rather special, you know, to hold a special stone, but this stone is annoying.   
Oh yes. I am the Mirror of Erised. You are probably thinking, how can a mirror hold a stone? Well I'll tell you. Dumbledore preformed a charm on me, so that only one who wants to get the stone can get it. Unfortunately, no one is nearly smart enough to understand that, and I can't tell them. You see, when someone looks at me, they see what they want most. My nams isn't very creative, Erised is desire backwards. Most people see then winning something, of doing something to benefit them. It gets very tedious, people seeing them surrounded with servants and swimming in gold. But oddly enough i haven't been around anyone for a while.   
I think it is something Dumbledore said, about people wasting away before me. And I admit, it's true. Sometimes one person comes to see me every day for about a year, and begin to forget to eat, and then die looking at what they most desire. It is sad really. And I get tired of seeing gold.   
If I could look in myself, or a mirror like me, I would probably see a rabbit, or a snake, or something. I would be a living thing, so I wouldn't be shunned or have to imprison this fool. He really is quite annoying.  
But my surroundings are even worse. I am shut in a dark dungeon with only one door, and I see flames beyond it, so there is no way for anyone to wish the stone out. Dumbledore said I would be well protected, as if that was a good thing. If I am so well protected, then no one can see me, and I am completely bored. Doesn't Dumbledore know that mirrors like to be around people, because they like reflecting? It is their job, you know. They don't have a choice. But I am the only Mirror of Erised, and Dumbledore would never ask me, and even if he did, I wouldn't be able to answer.   
  
A/N: I know it's a little short, but its something to write about, and its   
fun to write these! Please please please review, please! 


	11. 

A/N: The snitch! Please please please review!   
  
*pop* I disappeared into thin air once again. Actually, I am making myself invisible. Most people think I just fly really fast, too fast for them to see, and they get an opportunity to catch me when I need a breath. Wrong. It is very much fun to appear right by a Chaser's leg, or a Beater's ear, when they are going to hit a ball. They get confused, and then the seeker dives at them, causing complete mayhem. I love mayhem.   
But it's a shame I can't go out of the ring, people but charms on me so I can't, or I would leave the field and the players would play forever, looking for me. I also have to appear once every half hour. That is a restriction I would stay invisible all the time if I could. And the last charm is a non-crumpling charm, which is the only one I am thankful for. The number of times I have been squashed in a players hand . . . But I have eluded them far more times then they have caught me. Being gold is a slight disadvantage I think that green or gray would be better for camouflage. I would be the first Army Snitch!   
But when i am not out on the field, I am causing mayhem in . . . my Box. I have drove the Bludgers crazy with my singing, you know. I sing, and they rocket at me. I have a very easy time escaping them. But when they are on the playing field, they get confused, and think that I am every single player. They fly at the players then, and cause them to elude th Bludgers as well. It is very much fun to watch. Sometimes i hang around one person, and the Bludgers see a sparkle as I reappear for a second, and then charge at that player. The Quaffle is very boring, he just sits in a corner and . . . well, just sits. Nothing else. He doesn't really do anything, only really hover.   
Oh look! Time to reappear again! I think I will show myself near that boy with green eyes and black hair, he seems to be an unsuspecting victim.   
  
A/N: Please review! 


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